Swine flu is the new snow day.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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