god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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