well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
