she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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