He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
