If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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