You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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