Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
