it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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