My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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