Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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