i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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