Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
