i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
