you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
