Why are handjobs necessary in class?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
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