I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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