Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
