my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just threw up on my dentist
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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