And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize