Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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