The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
