We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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