It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
