He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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