I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize