I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
