you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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