my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
