11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize