she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize