Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
