I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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