My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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