she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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