Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
