I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize