can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I have fence marks all over my body
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
