Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
