I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
