i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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