So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
