I love black thongs
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Just took my morning after pill in the library
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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