The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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