We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
