The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
