Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
