i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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