You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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