I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
