Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
