This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
