She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Is it because I queefed?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
