just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
