he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
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