Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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