You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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