I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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