Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
