i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
