then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
