omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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