he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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