honey bunches of taint.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
