How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
