i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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