Non-Jews are for practice
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
