Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
