these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
don't judge my taste in strippers
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
