I wanna passion pit in your ass
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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