i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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