the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
