I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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