You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Semen is not good for contacts.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
