I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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