Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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