sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
