textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
