I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
