we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
