where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
