I'm going to jail i love you
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
