we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
