Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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