I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
